Personal Development

All of us experience challenging relationships in our lives, whether it is with significant others, family, colleagues or friends. We desire the person we're having the challenge with to change.  If only they did this or that, everything would be better.  But we all know we cannot control another person. So, we try to accept them as they are, only to grow more resentful when they don't change.

Humans are tribal creatures.  We have an innate desire to connect with others and fit in. Often, we adjust our style, our spending habits and other forms of personal expression to gain the acceptance of others.  We struggle to express ourselves, to have those hard conversations, to speak our truth.  This leads us to suppress our emotions, begin buffering, and feel more and more disconnected. 

We all have people in our lives that we admire for their effortless confidence in just about everything they do.  We want to have that for ourselves, so we start giving ourselves positive thinking lessons, affirmations and mantras, and try to adapt a 'fake it 'til you make it' attitude.  We tend to steer away from learning to sit with our fears because it is uncomfortable.  We end up letting that fear hold us back. 

Let's face it.  We all buffer from time to time; it's perfectly human and normal.  Food, alcohol, retail therapy, overwork, the list goes on and on.  When the buffer becomes habitual or overused, it can impact our health, finances, job performance and relationships.  Our friends and family might nag us about it, and what is our response? Buffer some more.

Healthy habits will not give us the same dopamine rush that our buffers do.  Buffers give us an immediate quick fix; new healthy habits are hard.  We feel awkward and unsure of ourselves as we start anything new. And, because healthy habits are not a quick fix and don't provide the same dopamine rush as buffers do, we quit before we can see visible progress. 

We are flooded with the latest and greatest diet fads.  We're told to eat less and move more.  We try one diet and workout routine for a while and initially get some marginal success.  At some point, we stall, and decide it's not working, and try a different regimen.  The cycle repeats, until we succumb to thinking it is our DNA, or worse, our own lack of willpower.